


I'm waiting for Sam

by LeastExpected_Archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence - The Lord of the Rings, Character Death, M/M, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-04
Updated: 2002-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:26:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26199286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeastExpected_Archivist/pseuds/LeastExpected_Archivist
Summary: by Carmen RuizFrodo has done something terrible and he can't get over it.
Relationships: Frodo Baggins/Sam Gamgee
Kudos: 1
Collections: Least Expected





	I'm waiting for Sam

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Amy Fortuna, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Least Expected](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Least_Expected), which has been offline since 2002. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Least Expected collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/leastexpected/profile).
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> Feedback: !!Feedback!!  
> Story Notes:

Everything happened too fast. Sam went to help Frodo, although he couldn't see him because of the ring he was wearing. Sam only knew where he was because he was fighting with Gollum, who was visible. Both of them wanted the ring now. Sam's only option was to kill Gollum before Gollum killed Frodo. But then Frodo cried and Sam could see him again, with his hand full of blood. Gollum fell to the Orodruin with the ring and Frodo's finger. Sam ran to Frodo but Frodo, still possessed by the ring, buried Sting in Sam's chest. Sam fell to Frodo's feet looking at his eyes. Eyes which were full of fury, full of rage and hatred. Sam was too surprised even to feel the pain. Frodo pulled out his sword and Sam groaned. It was then when the flames wrapped Gollum and the ring was destroyed forever. In that moment the hatred in Frodo's blue eyes disappeared and he was himself again. He looked at Sam, horrified by what he had done, and knelt next to him.

"Sam... Oh, no! Sam... Forgive me... Forgive me, Sam..." begged Frodo with tears in his eyes, trying to stop the blood which was soaking Sam's shirt with his hands.

"Frodo..." muttered Sam.

"What have I done? I'm sorry, Sam. Forgive me... Oh, Sam... Forgive me..."

Frodo took off his shirt to put it on Sam's chest to retain the blood, forgetting his own wound. He didn't realize he was crying. Frodo took Sam in his arms.

"You'll be fine soon, Sam... Oh, please... Please..."

They were going to die there. They would die together.

"Sam... I love you, Sam... I love you..." confessed Frodo.

Sam found the strenght to smile at him.

"Frodo..."

"Don't speak, my dear Sam..."

"We... we'll never get out of here," said Sam with a faint voice.

That was exactly what Frodo was thinking but he didn't want to accept it.

"Sam... We... we'll find the way..." he said "I'll do something... I don't know what, but something... to take you away from here."

Frodo kissed Sam's brow.

"Please, forgive me, Sam... Forgive me..." he pleaded.

Then the two hobbits saw an enormous shadow and they looked up. Gwaihir, the windlord, was descending at high speed to take them out of Mordor. Before they could realize they were in his claws flying away.

* * *

Frodo woke up early in the morning. He was in bed. The last thing he remembered was a huge eagle rescuing Sam and him from the ruins of Mordor and then...

"Sam!"

He sat. Bilbo was at his bedside looking at him with affection.

"Bilbo... Where is Sam?" asked Frodo desperately "Where is he? And how? How is Sam, Bilbo? I... I wounded him... He was trying to help me and I wounded him!! Sting was full of his blood... How is Sam? Answer me!!"

"He's in bed. Elrond is looking after him," answered Bilbo.

Frodo got up.

"I have to see Sam... I have to see him...Where is he? Where?"

"Frodo..." began Bilbo but Frodo didn't let him speak.

"Where is Sam, Bilbo? Tell me or I'll look for him in every nook of Rivendel."

Bilbo sighed and told him where Sam was. He wanted to tell him how he was but Frodo didn't listen to him. He ran in the direction of Sam's bedroom in his nightgown. Elrond was there with Sam and turned his head when he heard Frodo approaching shyly. Elrond went to him and looking at him with compassion he put his hand on Frodo's shoulder and left. Frodo didn't understand the gesture but he ran to Sam. He didn't mind Elrond's behaviour; he only wanted to be with Sam.

"Sam..." he whispered stroking Sam's hair, thinking he was sleeping.

Sam opened his eyes and looked at Frodo with a tired smile.

"Frodo... you came..." he said.

"Yes... Yes, I'm here... with you, Sam..."

Frodo took Sam's hand between his.

"Your finger..." observed Sam looking at the bandage which was covering Frodo's maimed hand.

"It isn't important. Forgive me, Sam... Forgive me for this... Forgive me..." begged Frodo, his eyes filled with tears of regret and sorrow.

"There's nothing to forgive... It wasn't you; it was the ring."

"But I wounded you and I'm so sorry..."

Sam put his fingers on Frodo's lips to silence him.

"Will you stop speaking and embrace me?" he said.

Frodo took Sam in his arms carefully.

"I love you, Sam," he said stroking Sam's back with gentle hands.

"I love you too," said Sam "I have always loved you."

Their eyes met and so did their lips. They kissed each other softly, tenderly. Sam stroked Frodo's smooth cheek and when they broke their kiss he rested his head on Frodo's shoulder and closed his green eyes.

"My dear Sam..." murmured Frodo kissing his head.

Then Sam's head fell backwards and the hand he had on Frodo's chest slid down.

"Sam?" called him Frodo. He saw his eyes closed and he couldn't feel Sam's breath caressing his skin anymore "Oh, no, no...! Sam, don't leave me... Don't leave me!! Open your eyes. Sam... please... open your eyes... Please... Please... Sam... SAAAAAAAM!!!"

Elrond heard Frodo yelling Sam's name, imploring him to wake up and he run to the bedroom, followed by Aragorn. Frodo was hugging Sam, crying, his tears falling on Sam. Elrond went to him.

"Frodo," he said "He's dead."

"No!" snapped Frodo "He isn't dead. He's just punishing me for what I did... but he isn't dead... He can't be dead!!!"

"Frodo, Sam is dead," repeated Elrond.

"No... no... no..."

Elrond tried to separate him from Sam's body but Frodo didn't let him, holding Sam tighter.

"NO! Don't take him away from me! NOOOOO!!! Let me be with him... I LOVE HIM!!!"

Aragorn went to help Elrond. He took Frodo's hands to make him release Sam.

"NOOOOO!!!" shouted Frodo despairingly "LET ME GO!! DON'T TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME!!! NOOO!! HE ISN'T DEAD!! HE ISN'T!!! SAM! SAAAAAAM!!!"

Aragorn took Frodo in his arms. He had to use his strenght because the hobbit was fighting, refusing to leave Sam. But Aragorn was bigger and stronger than him and Frodo's struggle was useless. Aragorn took Frodo out of Sam's bedroom.

**"LET ME GO!!! NOOOO!! SAAAM!!"**

"He died, Frodo," said Aragorn, pitying him.

**"I KILLED HIM!!! I KILLED HIM!!! I'VE KILLED SAM!! NOOO!! NO! I'VE KILLED HIM!!!"**

Aragorn held him and rocked him as if he was a child but everything he said was in vain, for Frodo was dispaired and weeping inconsolably.

* * *

Sam was buried the next day and with him Frodo's heart. Frodo's life. The elves sang a lament for Sam, filling the air with their beautiful voices, but Frodo didn't listen to it. He was sobbing, shattered, broken. Bilbo was next to him, with his arm around Frodo's shoulders, giving him his support. Suddenly Frodo fell down on his knees, unable to bear his grief.

"Sam... Forgive me, Sam..." he said.

"Frodo..." said Bilbo by his side.

"I killed him... I... I killed him..."

Bilbo stroked his hair.

"Don't blame yourself, Frodo, my lad"

"I loved him... so much... and I killed him..."

Frodo covered his face with his hands.

"Sam... my dear Sam... Sam..."

"Let's go inside, Frodo," said Aragorn taking him in his arms.

"No!" protested Frodo extending his arms and fingers towards Sam's tomb, as if he wanted to touch him, to hold him "Sam... SAM! FORGIVE ME, SAM!! FORGIVE ME!!! SAAAAM!! SAAAAAAAAM!!!"

His weeping suffocated his voice.

Aragorn left him on his bed and stroked his dark curls. Frodo was crying, with his face hidden on the pillow. Bilbo had gone with them and he embraced Frodo, letting him cry on his chest. Aragorn left them alone.

"My lad..."

Bilbo kissed his forehead.

"Bilbo... I killed him... I killed him..." sobbed Frodo.

"Calm yourself, Frodo. You were possessed by the ring, by Sauron's evil. Nobody blames you for that. Not even Sam blamed you."

" _I_ do," said Frodo in a voice which wasn't much more than a whisper "I killed Sam... I've killed him... Sam is dead... and it's my fault... I killed him... I killed him..."

Then he remained in silence, motionless. Bilbo stroke his hair, his cheek soaked in tears until Frodo, worn out, fell asleep. Bilbo and Gandalf, who went later to be with them, kept an eye on him. Sometimes he moved, murmuring something they didn't understand. Bilbo held his hand and spoke with Gandalf in whispers until, hours later, Frodo woke up. When he was aware of the reality again he started to cry.

"No, no, no..."

Bilbo embraced him.

"Frodo... my dear Frodo..."

"I told Gandalf you should have killed Gollum when you had the opportunity. He killed his friend Deagol... and I thought he was a hateful creature for that... but I'm worse than him... He killed his friend. I killed Sam. I killed my love... I loved him, Bilbo," said Frodo.

"I know it, Frodo. And Sam loved you."

Frodo started sobbing.

"I should have jumped to the fire after Gollum. _I_ should have died, but not Sam... Not him... After all the things he did for me... I killed him."

Bilbo stroked his hair. Frodo was saying "I killed him" repeatedly, tormenting himself.

"Sam wouldn't like to see you in this way," said Bilbo.

"Gollum was so vile... so despicable... I always thought he deserved death for what he did. What do I deserve then, Bilbo? What do I deserve for what I did... for killing Sam?"

That night Frodo didn't want to have dinner. He hadn't eaten anything in all the day. He hadn't eaten since Sam had died and that had been more than one day ago. Pippin and Merry went to see him but none of then could console Frodo.

* * *

"Frodo! Frodo!" called him a beloved voice.

Frodo turned round and he saw Sam running to him through the grass, smiling sweetly, with his arms open to embrace him.

"Sam..."

But when Frodo tried to touch him Sam disappeared.

* * *

Frodo woke up startled. He had fallen asleep and it was dark. Bilbo was sleeping next to him; he didn't want to leave him alone. Frodo slipped out of his bedroom and went to Sam's.

"Sam?"

Nobody answered. Frodo saw Sam's bag next to the bed and approached to it. He sat down on the floor and touched the bag with his fingertips.

"Your things are here, Sam," he said in a whisper.

Frodo opened the bag and took out the elvish rope. He looked at it and smiled slightly. It had been useful to descend the sharp rocks in Emyn Muil but he had laughed when Sam had made it fall with a single pull and Sam had got upset for it. Frodo put the rope aside and took out Galadriel's gift. Tears stung his eyes.

"Look at this, Sam," he said "I'll put it here for you. I won't let anybody use it 'cause it's yours and nobody will use it better than you."

He put the little box next to the rope and took out a shirt. Sam's shirt. Tears scratched his pale cheeks. Frodo smelled the white shirt and then took it to his chest, crying.

"Where are you, Sam?" he asked to the empty room.

He put the rope and the box back into the bag and left Sam's bedroom, holding the shirt thight. He wandered with a vague look, with his blue eyes out of focus.

"Frodo!" said a voice.

Legolas was in the corridor. He was a light sleeper and had heard Frodo, although the hobbit hadn't made a noise.

"What are you doing here?" asked Legolas.

"None of your business!" snapped Frodo.

The elf didn't take it amiss. He saw the shirt Frodo was clutching against his chest.

"What's that?" inquired Legolas, as if he didn't know it.

Frodo took a step back.

"It's Sam's shirt," he said "I'll give it to him when he comes. It's clean and it smells good. Sam will like it. The one he's wearing is full of blood."

Legolas felt a shiver in his spine. Something was wrong with Frodo. He was out of his mind.

"Sam won't come back, Frodo," said Legolas, feeling affection and sympathy for the little hobbit.

"You liar! You're lying!"

"Sam died. You have to accept it."

"Shut up!" said Frodo "I don't want to listen to you!"

"Frodo, please..."

"I killed Sam. Don't you know it, Legolas?"

"It wasn't you, little one. It was Sauron. His evil" said Legolas kneeling so that his eyes could be on a level with Frodo's.

"It was _me_! Not even Sauron killed people he loved."

"Sauron didn't love anybody."

Frodo looked at the elf, crying in silence.

"I love him," he said "I love Sam."

"I know it, Frodo."

Legolas realized that Frodo was speaking in present. He was speaking as if Sam was still alive, although he also said he had killed him. It was bloodcurling.

"Go back to bed," said Legolas.

"No. I have to wait for Sam. I have to give him this shirt. Have you seen him?"

"Frodo..."

Legolas didn't want to tell him again that Sam wouldn't come back. He didn't want to hurt Frodo.

"I'll see you later," said Frodo "Go to sleep, Legolas, it's late. Or early in the morning, I don't know."

He left, leaving Legolas looking at him astonished and worried as he was going away along the corridor.

* * *

Dawn found Frodo sitting on the same place where time ago he had been having a look at Bilbo's book. Legolas had told Bilbo and the others what had happened during the night and Bilbo cursed himself for having fallen asleep. He went next to Frodo.

"My lad... How is it that you're here?" he asked.

"I'm waiting for Sam."

Bilbo's blood froze in his veins. He had believed what Legolas had said, like the rest of them, but he wanted to think it had been only the remains of a nightmare. It wasn't.

"Look," continued Frodo showing Bilbo the shirt "It's his shirt. It's clean."

Bilbo looked at him. He loved the young hobbit. He was like a son for him.

"Frodo... Sam won't come back," said Bilbo, repeating Legolas' words.

"Why not? Is he angry with me?" asked Frodo, disturbed.

"No... Sam... He's dead, my lad."

"NO!! He isn't. He isn't. I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't want to do what I did. Tell him, Bilbo. He'll pay attention to you. Tell him I'm sorry. Tell him to forgive me."

"Frodo..."

"Please, Bilbo."

Bilbo sighed.

"I'm sure Sam bears you no malice," he said.

"I killed him," said Frodo.

Bilbo was confused. One moment Frodo acted as if Sam was still alive. The next moment he was saying he had killed him. His big blue eyes were full of tears again. He was caressing Sam's shirt absently.

"Sam... Sam... I killed him, Bilbo. I killed him," he said.

Bilbo had lost count of the times Frodo had said "I killed him". He embraced him and kissed his head, letting him cry on his shoulder, drying his bitter tears. Some minutes later Frodo pulled away from him.

"I'll get dressed," he said and he went into his bedroom to put on his clothes.

* * *

"There's nothing I can do for him," said Elrond sorrowfully after being with Frodo for some time that morning "It's been too much grief, too much suffering for him to bear... He couldn't get over it. Frodo's gone mad."

That was a terrible shock for eveybody.

"But Frodo is not to blame for Sam's death," said Pippin "He was possessed by that damned ring. It isn't Frodo's fault! Sam knew it!"

"He can't forgive himself. He'll never do it," said Elrond.

"It's unfair!" said Merry, with tears rolling down his cheeks "First it was Sam's death and now Frodo's insanity. What is it going to be next?"

Gandalf put his hand on the hobbit's shoulder.

"Pippin is right," he said "Frodo is not to blame but Sam died by his sword and that is tormenting him. Sam's death will haunt him for the rest of his life."

"Will he recover?" asked Bilbo.

"I don't know," was Elrond's answer.

"I would willingly give my life so that this had never happened. Sam dead and my lad..."

Bilbo couldn't finish the sentence. He didn't have the strenght to do it. Suddenly Arwen entered the room.

"I can't find Frodo!" she said "I wanted to give him something to eat but I can't find him, and I've looked for him everywhere."

They all began to look for him. Had he left alone? Where was he? It was Gandalf the one who found him. He was on his knees in front of Sam's tomb, crying curled up into a ball, asking Sam's forgiveness over and over again. He had left some flowers on the tomb.

"Frodo..." said Gandalf.

He felt sorry for the little hobbit. Sam was resting in peace but Frodo was tormented, agonizing of grief, of remorse. Gandalf squated down and stroked Frodo's dark hair. The hobbit didn't look at him.

"Frodo..."

"I killed him," sobbed Frodo "Oh, Gandalf..."

"Come here, little one. Let me embrace you."

Gandalf took the shattered hobbit in his arms. His small hands took the wizard's beard, still crying.

"It wasn't your fault," said Gandalf with affection "Remember Sam's love, Frodo. Remember his love for you."

Frodo didn't speak. He couldn't speak.

"Let's go, Frodo."

"No. Let me be here, with Sam. He'll come. I have to give him this shirt. He must be near."

Gandalf closed his eyes. Frodo had lost his mind and they couldn't do anything to help him.

"The others will be worried," said Gandalf "They don't know where you are."

"Tell them."

Legolas and Aragorn arrived next, followed by Bilbo. Frodo looked at Aragorn fiercely.

"You won't take me away from here!!" he said taking a stone from the floor.

"Frodo..." began to say Aragorn stepping forward.

Suddenly he felt a sharp pain on his forehead. Frodo had hit him with the stone and he was bleeding.

"DON'T COME CLOSER!!" shouted Frodo.

Aragorn would have laughed if the situation had been different. He had heard about the hobbits' extraordinary aim but he had never experienced it on himself.

"Come with us, Frodo," asked Legolas "We only want you to come with us and eat something."

"I don't want to eat anything, I'm not hungry," said Frodo.

His voice had softened. He wasn't on the defensive with the elf. Then he saw tears on Bilbo's cheeks. It was very hard for the old hobbit to see Frodo in that way.

"Bilbo... you're crying... Why are you crying, Bilbo?," he asked going to him.

"Frodo... My dear Frodo..." murmured Bilbo.

Frodo smiled at him.

"There's no reason to cry. Everything is fine. The war finished, the ring was destroyed... We're all here safe and sound... well, except Boromir. Poor Boromir..."

The others didn't say anything.

"What am I doing here? Sam will be waiting inside and I have to give him his shirt," continued Frodo. Then he looked at Aragorn irritated "You could have told me Sam was waiting to begin with instead of trying to take me as if I didn't have a pair of legs to walk by myself!!!"

That comment left Aragorn astounded.

"Are you coming, then?" asked Bilbo.

"Sure!"

* * *

In the afternoon Gandalf found Frodo humming in the garden. He was sitting on the grass and moving backwards and forwards, with Sam's shirt still in his arms. His big eyes were empty, lost. Gandalf spoke to him but Frodo didn't answer. He stroked the hobbit's hair but there wasn't any reaction. His grief had led him to madness.

* * *

Some days passed but Frodo was in the same state. Sometimes he said Sam was alive; some other times he said he had killed Sam and then he cried until he had no more tears to spill. One evening Legolas went to leave some flowers on Sam's tomb and there, lying on the grass, he saw Frodo. His right hand was on Sam's tomb and his left one was holding Sam's shirt. His eyes were closed and on his face there was an expression of peace. Legolas went to him, thinking he had fallen asleep but when he knelt next to the hobbit he realized that he was dead. He wasn't breathing and there was no beat. With tears in his eyes he took Frodo in his arms.

"Now you're with Sam, little one," said Legolas kissing his brow "Now you don't suffer."

Legolas laid him down on his bed. The others, who had seen him approaching carrying Frodo, went to the bedroom.

"What happened?" asked Bilbo "Is he O.K.?"

"Now yes," answered Legolas "He's left us. There will be no more grief for him."

Suddenly Bilbo understood what the elf was saying.

"No... No, it isn't possible. Oh, please, no..."

"I found him lying next to Sam's tomb. I thought he was asleep but..."

Bilbo stroked Frodo's dark curls, he kissed his face.

"My lad... My lad..."

He burst into tears, with Frodo's hand in his. The night was long. Bilbo didn't leave Frodo. Nobody left him. They wanted to stay with him until the last moment, as they had done with Sam, and the moment arrived. Frodo was buried next to Sam. Once more a lament filled the air. Frodo had died of sadness. His grief for Sam's death had killed him.


End file.
